The Point of No Return

This morning, I happened to tune in to this program on TV called "Pinoy Metal, the Aggression". The topic was how the metal scene was still struggling in the Philippines and how the artists are still able to define themselves despite all odds against them (like coining them as "Satan worshippers", "weird all-black headbangers", and the like). What really got my attention boiling is that...I was just like one of them in the past.

Having said much about my pastlife, I really wonder sometimes how would it feel like if I backslid and went back to the lifestyle of heavy metal? Would I still have the passion to write songs or sport a long hair? Would I be cynical about life and what it's worth living? I just realized...gone are the days when I was living to myself and to a worthless philosophy called "sex, drugs and rock n roll".

I can remember being that necrophilic thrasher who would look to the heavens and blame God for the sufferings and anxiety attacks happening in his life. What more when the climactic suicide attempt happened in my life when I just felt that everything that I've invested on was worthless. I'd hurt my throat with growling until it bled, and there were times when I just felt like wandering in the wilderness while high on weed.

But now, all these aside, God just demonstrates His love for me on the cross. That this journey I have with him is like a Point of no return to the past. The past is gone.. I can just stare at a box featuring death core metal bands, but can't go back there anymore. His cross lives in my heart. I'm sure Brian Welch (a.k.a Head of Korn) must be feeling the same way as I am right now. Although when I grab my Ibanez guitar, I can't help but turn the distortion into its maximum level and do some heavy metal riffs I did in the past.

Where do you go from here Fed? No way to go but up. Each and every day, God still molds us to be part of His workforce and army towards this sinful world. I cannot help but feel pity on those metal heads living their lives thinking that Heavy Metal is a form of catharsis or escapist activity to avoid the world's chaos and problems. Think again.