CCF 25th Anniversary Encounter

Alas! It's our 25th Anniversary. Our church is a quarter of a century old. The experience was great; having Gary V. and Kuh Ladesma as our guest singers, and having heard Ivan's testimony all over again. Except for one thing, during the Praise and Worship, I was greatly distracted and I admit, attacked by Satan and his minions double time. It was when I saw the Praise and Worship band that I remembered what happened last Thursday.

-- I'm part of the music team of a singles ministry called Thursday Night Devotion. Last Thursday, I was struck when a friend of mine, and my music ministry colleague, told me that I was a distraction when I sung with him. It was better that I didn't sing and just play guitar instead. Satan knew that my pride would get hurt. I just felt silent that moment and shrugged my shoulder. Next thing you know, he tells one of the performers (who by the way doesn't sing that much) to sing along with him. I felt greatly offended when I heard him say this. Singing is part of my worship to God. And God is right when He said that people will really disappoint us. While the whole congregation was clapping and cheering in Praise and Worship, I was there moping with my bitter thoughts and letting them linger. I tried my best to fight my thoughts and convinced myself that I had a singing voice, it's just that the person was just distracted and couldn't concentrate. But on the other side of my mind, I wanted to lash it out by singing the next TND and ignoring him and just letting him get distracted - so be it! I WANNA WORSHIP GOD! IF YOU CAN'T CONCENTRATE, THAT'S NOT MY PROBLEM!"

-- One thing that we all should learn is to control our emotions. I realized that I can't do anything about the person, what I can do is to control myself from confronting him. I want to sing to God. I'm not saying that I'm good at it, but it's where I find peace and it's my way of giving back my all to God. If that person doesn't like my voice, I don't care! It's God who I'm singing to. I guess my sensitive personality just can't stand such things...

-- Also, I respect the guy for writing songs and his playing skills, but my compositions and skills are just overpowered by his. And so, he gets the attention. Oh well, another one of my insecurities. I just have to bombard myself with cliches like "everyone is special in God's eyes, everyone is equal, all of us are children of God..." etc etc etc..

-- I just pray that I won't become a hard-case Christian someday, always complaining. That's why sometimes I think to myself "maybe God is having a hard time to give me a partner for life, 'coz I always keep complaining, 'coz I always get insecure, always grumble... I can't be perfect, and I never will be. I strive to become like God, but always fall short. And what's painful is that people don't accept me in their cliques 'coz of my eccentric attitude. :(

Thanks for listening. I just have to deal with this