This morning, I happened to tune in to this program on TV called "Pinoy Metal, the Aggression". The topic was how the metal scene was still struggling in the Philippines and how the artists are still able to define themselves despite all odds against them (like coining them as "Satan worshippers", "weird all-black headbangers", and the like). What really got my attention boiling is that...I was just like one of them in the past.
Having said much about my pastlife, I really wonder sometimes how would it feel like if I backslid and went back to the lifestyle of heavy metal? Would I still have the passion to write songs or sport a long hair? Would I be cynical about life and what it's worth living? I just realized...gone are the days when I was living to myself and to a worthless philosophy called "sex, drugs and rock n roll".
I can remember being that necrophilic thrasher who would look to the heavens and blame God for the sufferings and anxiety attacks happening in his life. What more when the climactic suicide attempt happened in my life when I just felt that everything that I've invested on was worthless. I'd hurt my throat with growling until it bled, and there were times when I just felt like wandering in the wilderness while high on weed.
But now, all these aside, God just demonstrates His love for me on the cross. That this journey I have with him is like a Point of no return to the past. The past is gone.. I can just stare at a box featuring death core metal bands, but can't go back there anymore. His cross lives in my heart. I'm sure Brian Welch (a.k.a Head of Korn) must be feeling the same way as I am right now. Although when I grab my Ibanez guitar, I can't help but turn the distortion into its maximum level and do some heavy metal riffs I did in the past.
Where do you go from here Fed? No way to go but up. Each and every day, God still molds us to be part of His workforce and army towards this sinful world. I cannot help but feel pity on those metal heads living their lives thinking that Heavy Metal is a form of catharsis or escapist activity to avoid the world's chaos and problems. Think again.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
CCF 25th Anniversary Encounter
Alas! It's our 25th Anniversary. Our church is a quarter of a century old. The experience was great; having Gary V. and Kuh Ladesma as our guest singers, and having heard Ivan's testimony all over again. Except for one thing, during the Praise and Worship, I was greatly distracted and I admit, attacked by Satan and his minions double time. It was when I saw the Praise and Worship band that I remembered what happened last Thursday.
-- I'm part of the music team of a singles ministry called Thursday Night Devotion. Last Thursday, I was struck when a friend of mine, and my music ministry colleague, told me that I was a distraction when I sung with him. It was better that I didn't sing and just play guitar instead. Satan knew that my pride would get hurt. I just felt silent that moment and shrugged my shoulder. Next thing you know, he tells one of the performers (who by the way doesn't sing that much) to sing along with him. I felt greatly offended when I heard him say this. Singing is part of my worship to God. And God is right when He said that people will really disappoint us. While the whole congregation was clapping and cheering in Praise and Worship, I was there moping with my bitter thoughts and letting them linger. I tried my best to fight my thoughts and convinced myself that I had a singing voice, it's just that the person was just distracted and couldn't concentrate. But on the other side of my mind, I wanted to lash it out by singing the next TND and ignoring him and just letting him get distracted - so be it! I WANNA WORSHIP GOD! IF YOU CAN'T CONCENTRATE, THAT'S NOT MY PROBLEM!"
-- One thing that we all should learn is to control our emotions. I realized that I can't do anything about the person, what I can do is to control myself from confronting him. I want to sing to God. I'm not saying that I'm good at it, but it's where I find peace and it's my way of giving back my all to God. If that person doesn't like my voice, I don't care! It's God who I'm singing to. I guess my sensitive personality just can't stand such things...
-- Also, I respect the guy for writing songs and his playing skills, but my compositions and skills are just overpowered by his. And so, he gets the attention. Oh well, another one of my insecurities. I just have to bombard myself with cliches like "everyone is special in God's eyes, everyone is equal, all of us are children of God..." etc etc etc..
-- I just pray that I won't become a hard-case Christian someday, always complaining. That's why sometimes I think to myself "maybe God is having a hard time to give me a partner for life, 'coz I always keep complaining, 'coz I always get insecure, always grumble... I can't be perfect, and I never will be. I strive to become like God, but always fall short. And what's painful is that people don't accept me in their cliques 'coz of my eccentric attitude. :(
Thanks for listening. I just have to deal with this
-- I'm part of the music team of a singles ministry called Thursday Night Devotion. Last Thursday, I was struck when a friend of mine, and my music ministry colleague, told me that I was a distraction when I sung with him. It was better that I didn't sing and just play guitar instead. Satan knew that my pride would get hurt. I just felt silent that moment and shrugged my shoulder. Next thing you know, he tells one of the performers (who by the way doesn't sing that much) to sing along with him. I felt greatly offended when I heard him say this. Singing is part of my worship to God. And God is right when He said that people will really disappoint us. While the whole congregation was clapping and cheering in Praise and Worship, I was there moping with my bitter thoughts and letting them linger. I tried my best to fight my thoughts and convinced myself that I had a singing voice, it's just that the person was just distracted and couldn't concentrate. But on the other side of my mind, I wanted to lash it out by singing the next TND and ignoring him and just letting him get distracted - so be it! I WANNA WORSHIP GOD! IF YOU CAN'T CONCENTRATE, THAT'S NOT MY PROBLEM!"
-- One thing that we all should learn is to control our emotions. I realized that I can't do anything about the person, what I can do is to control myself from confronting him. I want to sing to God. I'm not saying that I'm good at it, but it's where I find peace and it's my way of giving back my all to God. If that person doesn't like my voice, I don't care! It's God who I'm singing to. I guess my sensitive personality just can't stand such things...
-- Also, I respect the guy for writing songs and his playing skills, but my compositions and skills are just overpowered by his. And so, he gets the attention. Oh well, another one of my insecurities. I just have to bombard myself with cliches like "everyone is special in God's eyes, everyone is equal, all of us are children of God..." etc etc etc..
-- I just pray that I won't become a hard-case Christian someday, always complaining. That's why sometimes I think to myself "maybe God is having a hard time to give me a partner for life, 'coz I always keep complaining, 'coz I always get insecure, always grumble... I can't be perfect, and I never will be. I strive to become like God, but always fall short. And what's painful is that people don't accept me in their cliques 'coz of my eccentric attitude. :(
Thanks for listening. I just have to deal with this
Conviction and Suffering
According to Romans 5:3, it says that we christians should rejoice in our sufferings, for suffering produces perseverance; and perseverance produces character. Therefore, we must endure suffering in order for God to mold and create something inside us that would resonate His love and reflect His kingdom to others. Here goes my story...
Lately, I've been doing my Quiet Time, writing on my prayer journal very lengthy requests, and going to my weekly ministry. But, amidst all the activeness and spark, I've been very dry with my relationship with God, and He knows that I've been double-crossing Him with "petty sins". Everyone knows of the snowball effect. What happened to me was exactly a snowball effect process. Each and every day, God was already using His megaphone to tell me to quit my self-pity and self-righteous acts in my job interviews. He was reluctant in pouring out His answers on what job to take since my pride was just out of control. Little by little, these compromises became STRONGHOLDS in my life.
Until one day, I got to talk to this friend who was being used by God to convict me. We talked about marriage and relationships since we were open to each other. Being used by God, she opened up to me that she had the gift of prophesying. She told me that God had led her to Ezekiel 24. It was the exact verse that I had to ponder upon - "God shall take away your object of desire". At first, knowing me as a paranoid person, I asked her "Does that mean that I'd be single for life?" But later she explained that if these strongholds were broken, then God would be able to bless me a thousand fold and use me for His kingdom. Wow. Never have I heard such convicting words targeted to me. God is indeed serious when He deals with sin.
I was reminded by Jericho and how God led the Israelites to crush this stronghold. The people in Jericho were already a stench in God's nostrils for they practiced human sacrifice, orgies in their temples, shedding of blood as a form of ritual, and many other abhorring practices. God had enough of it. He ordered Joshua to lead His people in conquering this nation and wiping them out of humankind. Just like our strongholds, God wants to crush them and wipe them out of our system.
As a work-in-progess, I have yet to work this out with God. Answers have been withheld from me because of the strongholds in my heart. I need to crush them alongside with God to be able to open doors and let the light shine through my life. That same night, God led me to read this verse in answer to what my friend told me. He led me to Luke 7 about the faith of the centurion. God is just so spectacular when He talks to us from the heart. No matter how much we suffer when He takes away the objects of our desires, He wants our faith to develop and trust in Him that He is doing this because He loves us.
When this verse manifested in me, I almost broke down in tears. I erased the thought that God was using me as a guinea pig or some experimental variable... How can the Savior and King die for an experimental human? If that were the case, what use is it for God to tell us that He loves us so much? That's my story for now, whatever test may come, I'm rest assured that my King shall be talking to me again.. Tomorrow comes another day, and I shall meet a long time friend and have this story over a cup-a-joe :-)
Lately, I've been doing my Quiet Time, writing on my prayer journal very lengthy requests, and going to my weekly ministry. But, amidst all the activeness and spark, I've been very dry with my relationship with God, and He knows that I've been double-crossing Him with "petty sins". Everyone knows of the snowball effect. What happened to me was exactly a snowball effect process. Each and every day, God was already using His megaphone to tell me to quit my self-pity and self-righteous acts in my job interviews. He was reluctant in pouring out His answers on what job to take since my pride was just out of control. Little by little, these compromises became STRONGHOLDS in my life.
Until one day, I got to talk to this friend who was being used by God to convict me. We talked about marriage and relationships since we were open to each other. Being used by God, she opened up to me that she had the gift of prophesying. She told me that God had led her to Ezekiel 24. It was the exact verse that I had to ponder upon - "God shall take away your object of desire". At first, knowing me as a paranoid person, I asked her "Does that mean that I'd be single for life?" But later she explained that if these strongholds were broken, then God would be able to bless me a thousand fold and use me for His kingdom. Wow. Never have I heard such convicting words targeted to me. God is indeed serious when He deals with sin.
I was reminded by Jericho and how God led the Israelites to crush this stronghold. The people in Jericho were already a stench in God's nostrils for they practiced human sacrifice, orgies in their temples, shedding of blood as a form of ritual, and many other abhorring practices. God had enough of it. He ordered Joshua to lead His people in conquering this nation and wiping them out of humankind. Just like our strongholds, God wants to crush them and wipe them out of our system.
As a work-in-progess, I have yet to work this out with God. Answers have been withheld from me because of the strongholds in my heart. I need to crush them alongside with God to be able to open doors and let the light shine through my life. That same night, God led me to read this verse in answer to what my friend told me. He led me to Luke 7 about the faith of the centurion. God is just so spectacular when He talks to us from the heart. No matter how much we suffer when He takes away the objects of our desires, He wants our faith to develop and trust in Him that He is doing this because He loves us.
When this verse manifested in me, I almost broke down in tears. I erased the thought that God was using me as a guinea pig or some experimental variable... How can the Savior and King die for an experimental human? If that were the case, what use is it for God to tell us that He loves us so much? That's my story for now, whatever test may come, I'm rest assured that my King shall be talking to me again.. Tomorrow comes another day, and I shall meet a long time friend and have this story over a cup-a-joe :-)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
