Conviction and Suffering

According to Romans 5:3, it says that we christians should rejoice in our sufferings, for suffering produces perseverance; and perseverance produces character. Therefore, we must endure suffering in order for God to mold and create something inside us that would resonate His love and reflect His kingdom to others. Here goes my story...

Lately, I've been doing my Quiet Time, writing on my prayer journal very lengthy requests, and going to my weekly ministry. But, amidst all the activeness and spark, I've been very dry with my relationship with God, and He knows that I've been double-crossing Him with "petty sins". Everyone knows of the snowball effect. What happened to me was exactly a snowball effect process. Each and every day, God was already using His megaphone to tell me to quit my self-pity and self-righteous acts in my job interviews. He was reluctant in pouring out His answers on what job to take since my pride was just out of control. Little by little, these compromises became STRONGHOLDS in my life.

Until one day, I got to talk to this friend who was being used by God to convict me. We talked about marriage and relationships since we were open to each other. Being used by God, she opened up to me that she had the gift of prophesying. She told me that God had led her to Ezekiel 24. It was the exact verse that I had to ponder upon - "God shall take away your object of desire". At first, knowing me as a paranoid person, I asked her "Does that mean that I'd be single for life?" But later she explained that if these strongholds were broken, then God would be able to bless me a thousand fold and use me for His kingdom. Wow. Never have I heard such convicting words targeted to me. God is indeed serious when He deals with sin.

I was reminded by Jericho and how God led the Israelites to crush this stronghold. The people in Jericho were already a stench in God's nostrils for they practiced human sacrifice, orgies in their temples, shedding of blood as a form of ritual, and many other abhorring practices. God had enough of it. He ordered Joshua to lead His people in conquering this nation and wiping them out of humankind. Just like our strongholds, God wants to crush them and wipe them out of our system.

As a work-in-progess, I have yet to work this out with God. Answers have been withheld from me because of the strongholds in my heart. I need to crush them alongside with God to be able to open doors and let the light shine through my life. That same night, God led me to read this verse in answer to what my friend told me. He led me to Luke 7 about the faith of the centurion. God is just so spectacular when He talks to us from the heart. No matter how much we suffer when He takes away the objects of our desires, He wants our faith to develop and trust in Him that He is doing this because He loves us.

When this verse manifested in me, I almost broke down in tears. I erased the thought that God was using me as a guinea pig or some experimental variable... How can the Savior and King die for an experimental human? If that were the case, what use is it for God to tell us that He loves us so much? That's my story for now, whatever test may come, I'm rest assured that my King shall be talking to me again.. Tomorrow comes another day, and I shall meet a long time friend and have this story over a cup-a-joe :-)